Renewed Hope

After a weekend that's been full of soul ache and fear and discouragement; full of the priceless but relentless heart-break of the Word, I am dragging and tired of praying. Tired of asking. Tired of the ugly that has become the normal, because it is the normal, I am finding out. Because my definition of beauty has never been right. Beauty isn't the false brightness of the false ease that is the lie of false peace. True peace, which is peace with God, means that hard, difficult work is straight ahead, dead ahead, and the beauty is in the truth that God will not leave me here. That He will leave none of His children alone in their sin, in the wrong thinking of Who He Is, in the wrong thinking of who they are and what life is supposed to be.

As my grief has bloomed over this past month, as I've watched the "what truly IS" come to light, as prayers go (seemingly) unanswered, as I've despaired to the grumbling of oh-never-mind-i-can't-deal-with-this-blackjunk-anymore, as my hope has withered in the heat of the trial, God sweetly, in His always-loving way, in His tenderest care for me, sent me to the thoughts of others who have been shown truths I haven't gotten yet:

Hope is not about what isn't. Hope is always about what isn't yet.

That was from Deidra at jumpingtandem
http://jumpingtandem-ne.blogspot.com/

Again I am wondering why God even shows up to listen. Then I am reminded that I have been bought with a price, the blood of Jesus. That I am clothed in the righteousness of Christ and have been adopted into His family. That I am His... That He is faithful.

I will never leave you nor forsake you...

Father, help me to look up, to look to what You have chosen to do with all of us, in all of Your perfect, good, glorious sovereignty. Forgive me for not trusting You, for wanting to see the answers rather than continue to hope for

what

isn't

yet...