So.
Joe.
With all his 10 years of wisdom. Comes to me this afternoon with this:
"Hey, Mom, did you know that almost all marriages start at the dry cleaners?"
I'm waiting for the punch line. Trying to figure it out myself before he gives it. Can't connect that dot.
Huh?
"Yeah! That's what they keep sayin': so many people meet at the dry cleaners and get engaged. Is that crazy or what?"
"What are you talkin' about, Joe? WHO keeps saying that?"
"On T.V.! So many people say that about how they fell in love. It's either that or the vet. Sheesh! That's so crazy, idn't it?"
I am worried more than ever about what goes on here when I'm gone to town...
Wednesday, May 23, 2012
Thursday, May 17, 2012
Birthday Eve Musings
I thought of you again as I lay on my bed in the early evening, taking a quick breather before moving on to the next to-do pile.
I kissed our son awake this morning and was immediately hit with the thought: This is the last day you'll be 8!
Some sadness with that, as with the other kids.
And then I thought of you. And you've been on my mind quite a bit ever since. And in my prayers.
As I lay on my bed a few minutes ago, I realized that ~ for you ~ he's already 9 (with you on the other side of the world). And I wondered how many times he flooded your thoughts today. Because I know he must.
I wish I could tell you all about him, all about his days, fill you in on how he laughs a lot; makes up really dumb jokes; is reading pretty well but excelling at math; loves to work in the yard with Dad and in the kitchen with me; is a really, really good friend to the other boys; shares everything he has (except with Joe, who has his own issues); is sensitive to others (especially me) when they're sad; loves to hug, kiss, and be held; throws a mean spiral like nobody's business, catches way more than drops the ball, and has the makings of an excellent quarterback; creates the most fantastical things out of Legos; is an incredible artist...
Comes up with some of the most breath-takingly deep observations about God, who he has learned so much about...
Has a strong sense of right and wrong, and is led by a sensitive conscience that usually opts for the high road...
Is my first child to always say, "Thank you for making our food, Mom." In fact, he's very quick to say "Thank you" for most things...
He's beautiful and healthy, has an astonishing sense of balance and little fear of most things...
I'm hoping I can sit across the table from you someday and fill you in on the rest that hasn't happened yet. Sharing coffee and regrets and thankfulness. I'm longing for the day when Jake can find you and get the answers to all he desires. And I'm hoping that you'll find peace as you see that he is loved and valued and needed. That the selflessness of your sacrifice opened up a whole other world for him.
And for me.
I'm thankful I can wake him up tomorrow as a 9-year-old, and I will be teary-eyed (as usual) that one of my babies has moved ahead on the Timeline, and I will pray for you again. That God will be pleased to open your heart in Vietnam and draw you to Himself. That He will give you hope and peace and a knowing that your Bao is loved and happy and safe. That I will try with all I have to find you when it's time. And that you will be pleased with the job we did here as his parents when we finally meet face-to-face.
I kissed our son awake this morning and was immediately hit with the thought: This is the last day you'll be 8!
Some sadness with that, as with the other kids.
And then I thought of you. And you've been on my mind quite a bit ever since. And in my prayers.
As I lay on my bed a few minutes ago, I realized that ~ for you ~ he's already 9 (with you on the other side of the world). And I wondered how many times he flooded your thoughts today. Because I know he must.
I wish I could tell you all about him, all about his days, fill you in on how he laughs a lot; makes up really dumb jokes; is reading pretty well but excelling at math; loves to work in the yard with Dad and in the kitchen with me; is a really, really good friend to the other boys; shares everything he has (except with Joe, who has his own issues); is sensitive to others (especially me) when they're sad; loves to hug, kiss, and be held; throws a mean spiral like nobody's business, catches way more than drops the ball, and has the makings of an excellent quarterback; creates the most fantastical things out of Legos; is an incredible artist...
Comes up with some of the most breath-takingly deep observations about God, who he has learned so much about...
Has a strong sense of right and wrong, and is led by a sensitive conscience that usually opts for the high road...
Is my first child to always say, "Thank you for making our food, Mom." In fact, he's very quick to say "Thank you" for most things...
He's beautiful and healthy, has an astonishing sense of balance and little fear of most things...
I'm hoping I can sit across the table from you someday and fill you in on the rest that hasn't happened yet. Sharing coffee and regrets and thankfulness. I'm longing for the day when Jake can find you and get the answers to all he desires. And I'm hoping that you'll find peace as you see that he is loved and valued and needed. That the selflessness of your sacrifice opened up a whole other world for him.
And for me.
I'm thankful I can wake him up tomorrow as a 9-year-old, and I will be teary-eyed (as usual) that one of my babies has moved ahead on the Timeline, and I will pray for you again. That God will be pleased to open your heart in Vietnam and draw you to Himself. That He will give you hope and peace and a knowing that your Bao is loved and happy and safe. That I will try with all I have to find you when it's time. And that you will be pleased with the job we did here as his parents when we finally meet face-to-face.
Wednesday, May 16, 2012
All Things Random
So, this is what I know today...
There's not a whole lot that can beat the warm smell of freshly-mowed grass. ohmy...
God has cursed our land (not surprising!) with TICKS!! Oh. My. WORD!! I am losing my mind trying to keep ticks offa my people. Found one on me last night, on my RIBS of all places (how stupid is that?), and about passed out from the hyperventilation that went on. That things was enGORGED and felt like a huge zit on my body. I had to lay down & get Dad to get it off. I can NOT deal with the thought of some blood-sucking varmint being attached to my skin. I am disturbed. And I am obsessively itching.
Joe had one a few weeks ago, and we're watching him for a rash (just in case). Dad had one on him yesterday, and we keep finding them crawling on things. Enough already.
It is HOT! Like, August-hot, in May. I've actually not even bought any flowers for my pots because I'm afraid I won't be able to keep them alive, and it will just be money down the drain. Have you noticed that the grass is already dying in some places?
Mem is on her senior trip, and while she is having a blast and I am so, so happy for her, I am ready to see her face again. Which won't happen til Friday sometime.
Although my newest dog obviously loves our family, she does NOT love staying home. She has a wander-lust that can not be sated. We are in the process of looking for a good home for her before she gets killed on the highway next to our house. I am in the process of not becoming more attached to her than I already am. She is the best dog, and I am sad that we need to find another home for her...
Anybody needin' a dog?
There's not a whole lot that can beat the warm smell of freshly-mowed grass. ohmy...
God has cursed our land (not surprising!) with TICKS!! Oh. My. WORD!! I am losing my mind trying to keep ticks offa my people. Found one on me last night, on my RIBS of all places (how stupid is that?), and about passed out from the hyperventilation that went on. That things was enGORGED and felt like a huge zit on my body. I had to lay down & get Dad to get it off. I can NOT deal with the thought of some blood-sucking varmint being attached to my skin. I am disturbed. And I am obsessively itching.
Joe had one a few weeks ago, and we're watching him for a rash (just in case). Dad had one on him yesterday, and we keep finding them crawling on things. Enough already.
It is HOT! Like, August-hot, in May. I've actually not even bought any flowers for my pots because I'm afraid I won't be able to keep them alive, and it will just be money down the drain. Have you noticed that the grass is already dying in some places?
Mem is on her senior trip, and while she is having a blast and I am so, so happy for her, I am ready to see her face again. Which won't happen til Friday sometime.
Although my newest dog obviously loves our family, she does NOT love staying home. She has a wander-lust that can not be sated. We are in the process of looking for a good home for her before she gets killed on the highway next to our house. I am in the process of not becoming more attached to her than I already am. She is the best dog, and I am sad that we need to find another home for her...
Anybody needin' a dog?
Friday, May 11, 2012
Wrapping It Up
Kissed her awake again this morning, as I have for almost every morning of her life. There will quite a few more of these wake-up calls before the end of August.
But today I kissed her awake to her last day as a homeschooler. Today marks the end of 13 years of being her teacher~mom. Tomorrow she crosses the stage to take the diploma that says she finished. She finished well.
Me? Not finishing quite so well. I want more days to kiss her awake. I want more days of math and grammar and history to talk about. More tests to grade. Well, maybe not all of that... I just want more days together under this roof.
Instead of being thankful for the 13 years I've been gifted with, I am selfish and discontent. I'm stinking... The old man is ruling right now. I'm praying for a heart cleansing. Extra grace.
I sigh for my kids to be stuck with this melancholy, way-overly-sentimental mom.
And I look forward to Heaven, where there will be no more endings. Or tears. Or stinking, ugly sin.
But today I kissed her awake to her last day as a homeschooler. Today marks the end of 13 years of being her teacher~mom. Tomorrow she crosses the stage to take the diploma that says she finished. She finished well.
Me? Not finishing quite so well. I want more days to kiss her awake. I want more days of math and grammar and history to talk about. More tests to grade. Well, maybe not all of that... I just want more days together under this roof.
Instead of being thankful for the 13 years I've been gifted with, I am selfish and discontent. I'm stinking... The old man is ruling right now. I'm praying for a heart cleansing. Extra grace.
I sigh for my kids to be stuck with this melancholy, way-overly-sentimental mom.
And I look forward to Heaven, where there will be no more endings. Or tears. Or stinking, ugly sin.
Tuesday, May 8, 2012
Sound of Music
Leaving the house soon to finish making ready for tonight.
My senior, the only piano player in this family of 6, plays her final recital this evening.
For 10 years, the piano strings have been pushed. Music was at first played haltingly, without correct timing, with great simplicity; the pieces have grown in difficulty, becoming twirling, breath-taking, hauntingly beautiful old friends.
Each piece that will be played tonight is heavy with memories. I have cried often this past school year as these pieces have been polished and committed to memory.
It seemed at first as though this recital was far, far off.
Tonight I'm wondering who hurtled us to this place in time. Is it here already?
I will hear the music over the summer, but I must wean myself as well. It will be a rare occasion come late August.
How does one do that?
Young mamas, are you stopping & stooping, enjoying and savoring?
My senior, the only piano player in this family of 6, plays her final recital this evening.
For 10 years, the piano strings have been pushed. Music was at first played haltingly, without correct timing, with great simplicity; the pieces have grown in difficulty, becoming twirling, breath-taking, hauntingly beautiful old friends.
Each piece that will be played tonight is heavy with memories. I have cried often this past school year as these pieces have been polished and committed to memory.
It seemed at first as though this recital was far, far off.
Tonight I'm wondering who hurtled us to this place in time. Is it here already?
I will hear the music over the summer, but I must wean myself as well. It will be a rare occasion come late August.
How does one do that?
Young mamas, are you stopping & stooping, enjoying and savoring?
Saturday, May 5, 2012
A Charge to My First Graduate
Tomorrow at church, my husband & I will participate in an event we've known about for years but have never been directly involved in. We weren't qualified.
Until now.
One week from today, my oldest child will graduate from high school. I won't even go into all that means for her, for me, and for our family. It's definitely a mixed bag (understatement of the year).
At our church, the senior youth are honored throughout the year in different ways. Right before graduation occurs, there's a breakfast for them and their families. The parents are given the opportunity to then give a charge to their student. Personally, I want to go on & on talking about all the things I love about Mem, all the things I will miss about her being here. But tomorrow isn't about that. It's about me saying something incredibly wise... and incredibly SHORT.
My time allotment? 1.5 minutes. 90 seconds. 1/60, give or take, of an hour.
I understand that there are a lot of graduates, and no one wants to hear all I want to say (not even Mem, probably!). But I'm a grieving, bewildered, help-me-I'm-in-a-fog-from-all-that's-going-on Mom. And I want to honor my joy-bringing, sweet-spirited daughter.
(sigh)
Mem, this has to be one of the most surreal moments of my life so far. But!
Psalm 126:3 says, “The Lord has done great things for us, and we are filled with joy!” You have brought us JOY. And for that, we are thankful.
First and foremost, supreme above all else, I am thankful that God has drawn you to Himself! There is no greater joy than that! You belong to Him, and I can completely trust Him for all that you walk through in this world.
I want to thank you for:
*Your apparent, great patience with me as your mom. You were the first for us, and so you were the guinea pig for everything. I’ve made so many mistakes in parenting you, but you have shown patience so many times as you waited for the dust to settle and for me to think things through.
*Your willingness to forgive so many things, and so quickly. For all those same reasons. You and your daddy both have taught me so much about what it means to forgive quickly & completely.
*Your sweet, consistent servant’s heart. I have been humbled, ashamed, encouraged, and strengthened as I’ve watched you serve over the years. You are ALWAYS ready to help, always available with a good attitude, always cheerful about serving our family.
*Being above-reproach in basically every area as you lived in this family. I trust you as much as I trust anyone. I know I can count on you & depend on you for so many things.
Mem, your walk with the LORD is so vibrant right now. I am so thankful to see you growing! I can’t stress enough how critical it is that you stay focused on the most important thing in this life for the believer: your relationship with God. You’re about to enter into one of the most busiest, confusing, joyful, stressful, exciting times of your life. You will encounter many trials, and you will encounter many temptations to relax or compromise in your pursuit of God.
Do not relax, Mem, and do NOT make those little compromises that lead to larger failures and a broken relationship with your Lord.
Your flesh would love to take the easy road and not do the hard work of running after and clinging to God.
The world would LOVE for you to lose focus and not live the set-apart, light-shining, sin-rejecting life that you live now. The people apart from God want to feel better about themselves, and the failures of a believer aid them.
Your enemy, the devil, is seeking to devour you. Even now, he is waiting for you to step out of our home, into the sewage that is this world. He is waiting for you to become weary, to become discouraged, and he is looking for a chink in your armor. He will do all he can to tempt you, to discourage you, to make you doubt God.
But you are wise, and you know the answers:
Seek God first in all things. Seek Him before all other counsel, before all other companionship, before all other pleasure.
Be always in the WORD. It is your battle sword, and it is God’s very words to strengthen, encourage, and equip you!
Pray. You will only grow in your knowledge & love for God as you spend time with Him.
Surround yourself with those who love God & will encourage you in your walk, not belittle or persecute or consistently reject you. Nor those who will pretend to be your friend but are actually seeking to bring you down in order to feel better about their own state of being separate from God.
Finally, Mem, these are some things I will miss as you leave our home.
*Waking you up each morning with a kiss
*Hearing you sing as you wash dishes, as you work in your room
*Singing with you in choir
*Your sweet companionship each day
*Looking at pictures you’ve just taken when the snow has fallen and as the first flowers bloom in spring
*Hearing you call out, asking if anyone needs coffee
*The rattle of your Louisiana beads draped on your footboard, the sound of you settling in each night
*The daily, often sound of your greatly infectious laugh. We LOVE your laugh!
*Your willingness to help in all things
*The long talks at night on my bed
*Hearing the sewing machine hum
*The mess of school work and sewing projects and so many other things all over the dining room table
*Laughing over the comics
*Your hugs
*Hearing the whippoorwills together
*Your insistence that no Johnny Mathis be played nor egg nog drunk until the Christmas tree got into the house
*Your love of our family traditions. You have encouraged me so much in keeping these alive by being quick to express your joy in them
*Your sentimentality
*Your consistently upbeat, joyful mood
*Knowing that you will be there each evening to hug and talk to
*The music that fills our home as you play the piano
I have been very open about my grief about you leaving, Mem, but I have to say that I have much joy and excitement for you as well! The Lord will make Himself known to you in bigger, deeper ways as you go forward from here! I am confident that you will live a vibrant, honoring life in the Lord, b/c I can have confidence that He Who began a good work in you will be faithful to complete it! I can’t wait to see the rest of His plans unfold for you! And even though there is sadness in your leaving, there is a peace that comes because you are my Sister in Him, and I have the joy and hope of knowing that at the end of all of THIS, you and I will stand before the very throne itself and worship together for eternity. No more tears, no more endings. I love you, and you have been one of the best gifts God has ever blessed me with. Thank you, Mem...
Until now.
One week from today, my oldest child will graduate from high school. I won't even go into all that means for her, for me, and for our family. It's definitely a mixed bag (understatement of the year).
At our church, the senior youth are honored throughout the year in different ways. Right before graduation occurs, there's a breakfast for them and their families. The parents are given the opportunity to then give a charge to their student. Personally, I want to go on & on talking about all the things I love about Mem, all the things I will miss about her being here. But tomorrow isn't about that. It's about me saying something incredibly wise... and incredibly SHORT.
My time allotment? 1.5 minutes. 90 seconds. 1/60, give or take, of an hour.
I understand that there are a lot of graduates, and no one wants to hear all I want to say (not even Mem, probably!). But I'm a grieving, bewildered, help-me-I'm-in-a-fog-from-all-that's-going-on Mom. And I want to honor my joy-bringing, sweet-spirited daughter.
(sigh)
So. Tomorrow will be very, very short. Very to-the-point. And, in the meantime, here's the original version of what I would've liked to have said. Because she matters greatly, and I want her to know.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mem, this has to be one of the most surreal moments of my life so far. But!
Psalm 126:3 says, “The Lord has done great things for us, and we are filled with joy!” You have brought us JOY. And for that, we are thankful.
First and foremost, supreme above all else, I am thankful that God has drawn you to Himself! There is no greater joy than that! You belong to Him, and I can completely trust Him for all that you walk through in this world.
I want to thank you for:
*Your apparent, great patience with me as your mom. You were the first for us, and so you were the guinea pig for everything. I’ve made so many mistakes in parenting you, but you have shown patience so many times as you waited for the dust to settle and for me to think things through.
*Your willingness to forgive so many things, and so quickly. For all those same reasons. You and your daddy both have taught me so much about what it means to forgive quickly & completely.
*Your sweet, consistent servant’s heart. I have been humbled, ashamed, encouraged, and strengthened as I’ve watched you serve over the years. You are ALWAYS ready to help, always available with a good attitude, always cheerful about serving our family.
*Being above-reproach in basically every area as you lived in this family. I trust you as much as I trust anyone. I know I can count on you & depend on you for so many things.
Mem, your walk with the LORD is so vibrant right now. I am so thankful to see you growing! I can’t stress enough how critical it is that you stay focused on the most important thing in this life for the believer: your relationship with God. You’re about to enter into one of the most busiest, confusing, joyful, stressful, exciting times of your life. You will encounter many trials, and you will encounter many temptations to relax or compromise in your pursuit of God.
Do not relax, Mem, and do NOT make those little compromises that lead to larger failures and a broken relationship with your Lord.
Your flesh would love to take the easy road and not do the hard work of running after and clinging to God.
The world would LOVE for you to lose focus and not live the set-apart, light-shining, sin-rejecting life that you live now. The people apart from God want to feel better about themselves, and the failures of a believer aid them.
Your enemy, the devil, is seeking to devour you. Even now, he is waiting for you to step out of our home, into the sewage that is this world. He is waiting for you to become weary, to become discouraged, and he is looking for a chink in your armor. He will do all he can to tempt you, to discourage you, to make you doubt God.
But you are wise, and you know the answers:
Seek God first in all things. Seek Him before all other counsel, before all other companionship, before all other pleasure.
Be always in the WORD. It is your battle sword, and it is God’s very words to strengthen, encourage, and equip you!
Pray. You will only grow in your knowledge & love for God as you spend time with Him.
Surround yourself with those who love God & will encourage you in your walk, not belittle or persecute or consistently reject you. Nor those who will pretend to be your friend but are actually seeking to bring you down in order to feel better about their own state of being separate from God.
Finally, Mem, these are some things I will miss as you leave our home.
*Waking you up each morning with a kiss
*Hearing you sing as you wash dishes, as you work in your room
*Singing with you in choir
*Your sweet companionship each day
*Looking at pictures you’ve just taken when the snow has fallen and as the first flowers bloom in spring
*Hearing you call out, asking if anyone needs coffee
*The rattle of your Louisiana beads draped on your footboard, the sound of you settling in each night
*The daily, often sound of your greatly infectious laugh. We LOVE your laugh!
*Your willingness to help in all things
*The long talks at night on my bed
*Hearing the sewing machine hum
*The mess of school work and sewing projects and so many other things all over the dining room table
*Laughing over the comics
*Your hugs
*Hearing the whippoorwills together
*Your insistence that no Johnny Mathis be played nor egg nog drunk until the Christmas tree got into the house
*Your love of our family traditions. You have encouraged me so much in keeping these alive by being quick to express your joy in them
*Your sentimentality
*Your consistently upbeat, joyful mood
*Knowing that you will be there each evening to hug and talk to
*The music that fills our home as you play the piano
I have been very open about my grief about you leaving, Mem, but I have to say that I have much joy and excitement for you as well! The Lord will make Himself known to you in bigger, deeper ways as you go forward from here! I am confident that you will live a vibrant, honoring life in the Lord, b/c I can have confidence that He Who began a good work in you will be faithful to complete it! I can’t wait to see the rest of His plans unfold for you! And even though there is sadness in your leaving, there is a peace that comes because you are my Sister in Him, and I have the joy and hope of knowing that at the end of all of THIS, you and I will stand before the very throne itself and worship together for eternity. No more tears, no more endings. I love you, and you have been one of the best gifts God has ever blessed me with. Thank you, Mem...
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