Holding Instead

The laundry is only started when it's supposed to be the last load. The grocery list is running off the page as the last of the bread is consumed, the milk disappears, and the banana bowl glares empty. Dust piles high and tests need grading and mud specks dot the floor. There's still 2nd-grade math and history and kindergarten reading and AWANA to memorize, a 10th-grader and 8th-grader to check in with. Their chores need to be done! Dirt-smudged windows scream secret-code messages to me:

There's so much to get done!
You're falling behind!
You can't get on top of it all!

I'm feeling the familiar of "overwhelmed." I'm a do-er. A mark-it-off-the-list-er. A proud card-carrying member of the four-list-a-day club.

But today. Today, Instead called me out.

Can we do reading on the porch, Mom? Bring the little blue table out?

Sure, we can...

Sat at the little blue table. He still fits. I draped myself on the other little chair and read along. The sun moved and warmed the stress lines that reside on top of my nose. I wondered if the freckles would show up soon.

Can I sit in your lap, Momma?

Sure. Sure, you can...

All 60-something pounds of 2nd-grade molded into my lap. Still fits, somehow (thank you, God). The mouth that reads is lined with black-cherry Kool-aid. The feet wear dirt instead of shoes. The neck smells of sun and dog hugs and Oreos and boy. The moments overflow with Instead.

I am joyful instead of weary. Focused instead of frazzled. Making memories instead of clean floors.

Lord, help me to remember this and choose Instead more often.