Learning to See

The LORD is always right on time.

I lay in bed last night, unable to sleep. Early morning hours, actually. So much is overwhelming to me right now. So many heavy, heavy things on my heart. Some of it I can't share with anyone, which makes the load heavier. No one to come along side & bear up under this with me (Gal. 6:2).

So I laid in bed and just spread it out before the LORD. Weary and hurting and anxious. Weepy and deflated. Focused on the load and just crying out to the only One Who can fix anything.

This morning, God brought before my eyes words He'd given to Spurgeon (thanks to the Grace Gems people). The verse was Psalm 25:18: "Consider my affliction and my trouble, and forgive all my sins." Here's what Spurgeon saw in those words:

"The special lesson of the text is this -- that we are to go to the Lord with sorrows and with sins in the right frame of heart. Note that all David asks concerning his sorrow is, 'Look upon my affliction and my pain.' But the next petition is vastly more express, definite, decided and plain, 'Forgive all my sins!'

Many sufferers would have put it, 'Remove my affliction and my pain -- and look at my sins.' But David does not say so; he cried, 'Lord, as for my affliction and my pain, I will not dictate to Your wisdom. Lord, look at them; I will leave them to You. I would be glad to have my pain removed -- but do as You will. But as for my sins, Lord, I know what I want with them -- I must have them forgiven! I cannot endure to lie under their curse for a moment!'

A Christian counts his sorrow lighter in the scale than his sin. He can bear that his troubles should continue; but he cannot support the burden of his transgressions."

Ouch...

I know I prayed about my attitude regarding all that is burdening me, but the main thing I wanted the LORD to hear last night was how lonely & miserable I felt ("remove my troubles"). My heaviest burden should have been my questioning, my fear & mistrust, my focus on me.

The LORD is so kind to show us our blind spots. My prayer is that He will strengthen my sight, and that He will continue to lift my eyes to Him.

I am so thankful for Spurgeon. Can't wait to meet him in Heaven and give him a big hug! (Jacob shares a middle name with him!) Truly a dear brother in the Lord.