Didn't know it would be today.
And I know there will be many more of these to come.
Just didn't think today would be the beginning.
I gave the last math test today. The first of the last tests for 8th grade.
I cried as I laid the book on the printer to copy the pages. Cried as I stapled them. I don't want to grade it once it's handed in.
The next math lesson and subsequent test won't be coming from me. It won't be taken at home. I won't have the privelege of grading it.
And there won't be the usual sweet note of encouragement written at the end that always makes me catch my breath and offer up thanks to the One Who brought this man-child to our family.
In August, Mac will begin a new adventure. He'll start 9th grade at an excellent Christian school here. He's chompin' at the bit to play football. He's got an amazing level of talent, he's a big kid, and he's passionate about the game.
He's an excellent student. Great in all areas of school, and I mean all of them. He's an incredible artist, an amazing musician.
In short, Mac will do well at school and sports.
I am thankful he will be able to go. Thankful we can afford to send him, at least for this next year. Thankful we have the option of a good school. Thankful he'll have the opportunity to play and to take art classes if he wants. Thankful for what this new road will teach him and do to prepare him for the adult world. God is good.
My heart has a hole, however, that is growing with each discussion about this next step. As a homeschooling parent, one of my greatest joys has been having my kids here each day. It is such a blessing to be able to talk with my kids all day long, hear about what they're learning or thinking. I love being able to steal hugs and Band-Aid scratches and read under blankets at the drop of a hat. I love sleeping in after late nights and waffles at a slow-paced breakfast table. I love teaching my kids news things and seeing the light bulbs go off.
Even the rough days are better than not being with them.
And our family's game plan, all along, has been to homeschool through high school (as we're continuing to do with Mem). This change of plans has been recent, and I remain painfully divided in my desires and thoughts on this course.
The bottom line is that I know, as far as I can ever know, that God is calling us to change direction.
"The heart of man plans his way, but the LORD
establishes his steps."
Proverbs 16:9
And I am reminded of Who this son of mine truly belongs to."Every good and every perfect gift
is from above..."
James 1:17
And I know that no matter how painful this "new" direction proves to be, I can trust ~ fully ~ the One Who has already set the course for all of our lives. And I must continue to look to Him for the courage to drive Mac to school each day and walk past the empty desk in his bedroom once the fall sets in.
And as Mac goes and I fight my fears and sadness, I am sure of this: the Comforter is ever-present.
"He Himself has said, 'I will never
leave you nor forsake you.'"
Hebrews 13:5
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