My Dearest Mem,
On the eve of your leaving for two weeks, I am more emotional than I expected. After all, it's only for 14 days. And I will see you briefly in three days and then on the sixth day, long enough to do your laundry and hug you goodnight for one brief sleep before you leave again.
It's just... longer than I realized.
The tears come because I will miss you. You bring so much lightness and support, cheerfulness and balm, understanding and help to some of my longest, hardest days.
The tears come because I know I love you too much, probably, but have no idea how to pull that back. I just keep confessing it and praying for help and balance.
The tears come because I know the day is just around the corner when you will leave for longer than two weeks. You will leave for your own life to start. And I have no idea how to do that.
How do you let the daughter go, the one who is so dear to your heart and has brought so many blessings?
The Lord is kindly reminding me of two things: I need to continue to pursue hard after Him, that He would become my richest treasure, my dearest friend. When my satisfaction is in Him alone, I will contentedly receive all that He chooses to make my life to be. I'm working on that. Crying out for that. Pleading for the heart that worships Him fully.
He is also reminding me that the grace I will need for the final release is not needed today. I spend so much effort trying to avoid pain, or at least limit the press of it on my soul. That is insanity, it is not the way of the cross. I need to embrace all of the trials and hurts of this life & let those mold me.
I am so thankful that you love the Lord, that you long to serve Him, that you will be using your hands to love on kids, your voice & guitar to lead them in worship, your strength to help those whose lives have been devastated.
And He reminds me that He will complete His good work that He began in me, that I can trust whatever He designs our lives to be, that all of His works are kind. I do know that, I just need to rest in that.
And I know that, no matter what our lives on this earth will be, you & I will worship together before the throne when it's all said and done.
I love you, Mem, and you will remain in my prayers as you worship and serve the sovereign LORD these next two weeks.
Mom
2 comments:
My oldest just got home after being gone for 2 weeks - this is the third time she's done it. And every time, my heart hurts *more* and misses her *more*. I feel much the same way as you and your words brought tears to my eyes. I know just how to pray for you as I'm praying for Mem and the others over the next couple of weeks.
Beautifully said. Just substitute Alyssa's name for Mem's and that pretty much sums up my feelings as well... except for the guitar and singing part. ;)
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