Unsettled & Shaken

I've never doubted the power of the Lord. Never questioned His wisdom or His authority. Even as an unbeliever, I knew that God WAS; that He rightfully maintained absolute control over all His creation with infinite power.

My questioning has always been about His love for me. My doubting & struggles continue even to this day: "Lord, I know You have overwhelming kindness & love for Your people... But am I one of Yours?"

There's so much error in that line of thinking. I know. I've fought against it for so many years.

Walking through my own experiences of the tornado in April challenged my faith more deeply than it's been hit in a long time. Trying to grasp that it was, indeed, God's GOOD & perfect will for the Tittles to lose Rob, Tori, & Rebekah?... Understanding in a way I never have before ~ as our family rode out the deafening tornado in a shaking van inside a rattling garage ~  that God has NO obligation to hold any of us out of the path of such physical destruction; that He has never promised that He wouldn't take our very dearest things from us & leave us to wrestle with that?

My puny faith was as ripped apart as the houses in the tornado's path.

I know that God has ordained this valley for me, this place of wrestling with Him. This place of having my anemic theology plowed up & exposed.

And God has already met me so perfectly, answering me in my spirit in the voice that can only be His, directing me in my darkest hours to Scripture & sermons that have brought answers and comfort,  peace and hope.

I wrestle with other things as well: praying so hard for the Lord to work in ways that seem so right that they MUST be the best outcome. If God would answer my prayers in the way I'm praying, wouldn't He get so much honor & glory? Wouldn't His name be glorified as a watching world sees the changes that are made?

Again, so much error. So much to contend with. I'm beyond grateful for God's patience with me, that He continues to listen & provide His presence & comfort as I process through my unbelief.

I read something so helpful today that has given me much pause. So much here to reflect on. It's long, but it's worth your read. It's from Henry Melvill, a reflection found in Spurgeon's The Treasury of David, on Psalm 78:18.

"We know that, although God cannot be tempted with evil, He may justly be said to be tempted, whensoever men, by being dissatisfied with His dealings, virtually ask that He will alter those dealings, and proceed in a way more congenial with their feelings. If you reflect a little, you can hardly fail to perceive, that in a very strict sense, this and the like may be said to be a tempting of God.


"Suppose a man to be discontended with the appointments of Providence; suppose him to murmur and repine at what the Almighty allots him to do or to bear: is he not charged with provoking God to change his purposes? And what is this if it be not 'tempting' God-a striving to induce Him to swerve from His plans, though every one of those plans has been settled by infinite wisdom?


"Or, again, if any one of us, notwithstanding multiplied proofs of the Divine lovingkindness, doubt or question whether God do indeed love him; of what is he guilty, if not of tempting the Lord, seeing that he solicits God to give additional evidence, as though there were deficiency, and challenges Him to fresh demonstrations of what He has already abundantly displayed? This would be called "tempting" amongst men. If a child were to show by his actions that he doubted or disbelieved the affection of his parents, he would be considered as thereby striving to extort from them fresh proofs of that affection, though they had already done as much as either in justice or in wisdom they ought to have done; this would be a clear tempting of them, and that too in the ordinary sense of the term.


"In short, unbelief of every kind and degree may be said to be a tempting of God; for not to believe on the evidence which He has seen fit to give, is to tempt Him to give more than He has already given-offering our possible assent, if proof were increased, as an inducement to Him to go beyond what His wisdom has prescribed.


"You cannot distrust God and not accuse Him of a want either of power or of goodness; you cannot repine-no, not even in thought-without virtually telling Him that His plans are not the best, nor His dispensations the wisest, which might have been appointed in respect of yourselves. So that your fear, or your despondency, or your anxiety in circumstances of perplexity, or of peril, is nothing less than a call upon God to depart from His fixed course-a suspicion, or rather an assertion, that He might proceed in a manner more worthy of Himself, and therefore a challenge to Him to alter His dealings, if He would prove that He possesses the attributes which He claims.


"You may not intend thus to accuse, or provoke God, whenever you murmur; but your murmuring does all this, and cannot fail to do it. You cannot be dissatisfied, without virtually saying that God might order things better; you cannot say that He might order things better, without virtually demanding that He change His course of acting, and give other proofs of His infinite perfections. And thus you tempt Him, tempt Him even as did the Israelites in the wilderness."


How convicted I was as I read this. How instructed, as well, and how thankful that God brought this to me to shed even more light on my distrust and unbelief. May God be pleased and honored as I continue to labor to fully believe Him with all my heart.

Prayer for the Coming Year

As this year draws to a close and I reflect on the one that will soon open, with all of its seemingly insurmountable obstacles and questions that weigh heavy and answers

that haven't yet come, I am taught, as I read from my dear brother Spurgeon, what

my thoughts need to be.  And my heart amens with swift and sure assent because

of the grace work of the Holy Spirit, my Helper and Counselor, as He

continues to sanctify my soul.

 

No matter what this new year brings, no matter how many questions remain or how many broken prayers require more attention and work from me...  no matter

how many tears or anxious thoughts...  no matter how sure it seems

that the earth will give way and the mountains will indeed be moved

into the heart of the sea...

 

God is always, unceasingly good.

 

He is ONLY good, as He cannot act unjustly or unkindly at any point.

There is no disputing this.  And so I pray, with Spurgeon:

 

"O my God, however perplexed I may be, let me never think ill of Thee.  If I cannot understand Thee, let me never cease to believe in Thee.  It must be so,

it cannot be otherwise, Thou art good to those whom Thou has

made good; and where Thou hast renewed the heart

Thou wilt not leave it to its enemies."

Scents & Sensibility

So...

I haven't posted anything in quite some time because (1) it's easier to tweet; and (2) it's been crazy, crazy busy.  So much has changed in our family since that last post (in July).  Too much to write here right now, because I'm supposed to be finishing up Language with Joe.

But...

I decided I'd better post this info rather than dream up ways to tweet it.  It's just too long.  But if you're anything like me, you'll be glad to hear this.

I love, love, love, love candles.  I am, however, a candle snob only a name brand buyer not going to buy just any old candle.  I will NOT spend a lot on candles; I see nicer ones in stores that cost a small fortune and can't believe anyone would pay that amount.  But I don't buy the cheap Wal-Mart brands and hope for the impossible.  I save my money and use my Hallmark bonuses and buy better, stronger ones; and you can often find me pawing through the clearance ones on any given day just to get my "fix."

All that to say this: I've actually found some very inexpensive candles that smell WONDERFUL, and they are strong & actually fill up the entire area with scent (not just that 12" perimeter around them).  And they are WAL-MART candles!  The cheapest Wal-Mart candles!

I've only bought 2 of the scents: the holiday edition "Hot Apple Cider" and the fall/seasonal "Mulled Cider." I can get a 11.25 oz., 3-wick Mulled Cider jarred candle for only $5 that burns forEVer.  Just bought the 10 oz., 3-wick Hot Apple Cider one today, and it was either $3 or $3.50.  It smells heavenly.

If you love candles, you need to get to Wal-Mart and smell those cheap inexpensive Mainstays.  If you like the way they smell in the jar (although you're really supposed to smell the lid), you'll love the way they smell in your home!  Pinkie-swear.

Celebrating the 4th

The 4th of July!  Special time for most families, and
everybody has their own way of celebrating it.

 

For us, the 4th isn't complete without a visit to Mamaw's and
time with extended family on Dad's side of the tree.

 

The 4th means we pile in on my mother-in-law and anticipate... biscuits!

 

Mamaw is known far & wide for her biscuits.  They are nothing short of amazing.

 

Cooking is just part of the 4th, right?  And there's too much eating that goes on because there's too much good food to sample.

 

 

 

 

July 4th means old-fashioned things, like an ice cream social at church,

followed by fireworks for the kids; older folks sitting around

enjoying the youngers; slower time for relaxing...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A visit here usually includes crafts of some kind.

 

 

 

 

Mostly, the 4th means that we visit.  A lot.  Coffee on the carport in the early morning.  Sitting up late to watch T.V. together.  Cooking out and swimming at the brother-in-law's.  It's face-to-face time with those we love and miss...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hoping your summer is full of slower days and lots of family down-time. 

Enjoy all the ways God has chosen to bless you!

 

Simple-Minded Defense

So... homosexuality.

 

Gay marriage.  DOMA defeat.

 

The weight of what to say, how to say it... heavy.

 

There are so, so many good articles, blog posts, etc. out there right now; faithful Christian teachers and deep thinkers, capable of practical, rubber-meets-the-road, far-ranging connect the dots sort of thinking, who have been able to project the impact of what's happening in this country on this issue and write well on how to hold up the

 conservative end of the debates that are coming.

 

Unfortunately, my brain is a sieve anymore.  I read these articles and I understand and agree with the points that are made... but I know I am no debater.  I am

sadly lacking in the apologist skills department.

 

I am simple-minded.  Weak, mentally.  No quick thinking on my feet here.  I am the one who thinks of all the things I could've said or should've said well after the fact.  I prefer to call myself... a processor.  Sounds better than "stupid."

 

But this I know, and in this is my confidence:

 

God says that homosexuality is wrong.  His Word is clear.  And I know that I

don't have to worry about changing anyone's heart or view on this subject,

because that power belongs to the Holy Spirit alone.

 

My role is to stand firm on the solid Word of God and let Him work through his Word, which He said would not go out void (Isaiah 55:11), as He sees fit.

 

This?  This I can do.  And it's all I need to know.

 

1 Corinthians 6:9-11:  "Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, not adulterers, not men who practice homosexuality, nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God."

 

Romans 1:26-27:  "For this reason God gave them up to dishonorable passions.  For their women exchanged natural relations for those that are contrary to nature;

and the men likewise gave up natural relations women and were consumed with

passion for one another, men committing shameless acts with men and

receiving in themselves the due penalty for their error."

 

Leviticus 18:22:  "You shall not lie with a male

as with a woman; it is an abomination."

 

1 Timothy 1:9-10:  "Understanding this, that the law is not laid down for the just but for the lawless and disobedient, for the ungodly and sinners, for the unholy and profane, for those who strike their fathers and mothers, for murderers, the sexually immoral, men who practice homosexuality, enslavers, liars, perjurers, and

whatever else is contrary to sound doctrine."

 

Psalm 86:5:  "For You, O Lord, are good and forgiving,

abounding in steadfast love to all who call on You."

 

Romans 10:13:  "For 'everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.'"

 

1 John 1:9:  "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness."

 

 

More Photos

Confession: I follow several blogs.  Maybe a lot, I don't know.

A lot of them, though, I only follow for the pictures.  While the text content may be worthy of reading, I'm usually catching up online in a flying-low position.

Little time to sit at the computer means I skim a lot.  And pictures are often

much more interesting to me.

In light of that, & in light of the fact that I usually don't have much to say (!!), and in case any of you really like to look at pictures but can do without the run-on sentences...

 

Here's Joe-man & Jake with one of Joe's best buds.  This friend will probably move far away before the summer ends.  My heart is broken for Joe.  This is his 3rd friend

to move away in the past year.  I know God is teaching him some things, but this

is a painful process to watch.

 

One of my favorite people doing one of my favorite things with me: blueberry picking!

I SSOOO enjoyed this morning with him.

 

Added bonus at the berry farm: a 9-day-old goat named Cocoa.  The momma goat had rejected this one, so the Humans took on the job of keeping her fed.

 

 

Friend for life!  Milk on the forehead, tongue hanging out...

 

 

One of our favorite family activities: getting out on the lake!

E-man is ready to hit the water!

 

 

Got to watch E-man lead singing and teach during the local summer missions/city-wide outreach.  Funny thing: I thought I was going to encourage him.  Instead, God used the afternoon to show me some things I didn't understand about this first son of mine.  I was floored, convicted, ripped as I watched this 17-year-old love on these inner-city kids in ways I would've never considered.  It was good, sanctifying, to be lovingly rebuked

by the Holy Spirit as I watched this much-younger young man work.

 

 

 

Catching Up with a Photo Dump

Wanted to share some pics to catch up on some
very random things since the last photo post.

Somebody turned 17
 

 

and had his locker decorated at school.

 

 Unfortunately, this is the only picture I can share. The others won't upload vertically no matter what I try! It was a lot of fun, though, to secretly cover his locker at
school with old pics and balloons.
 

 

  A photo of a 4-year-old E-man in a tutu (mean, mean girls did that!!) was taped in the inside of the locker. His friends found it anyway!

 

Mother's Day came around again.  As always, my husband and kids made sure I was Queen for the Day!  I was so thankful to have my mom with us for another year!  Her health continues to deteriorate, and each day is a blessing!

 

 

 

This big guy turned 10!  Double digits??  Really?

 

 

Had a great family celebration...

 

 

and a great time with his friends!

 

 

Mem found out she was accepted into nursing school!

Go, Memma!!  So proud of her!

 

 

I made 50,000,000 pints of jelly.  ohmy...

 

 

and this cutie-putootie couple celebrated their 6-month anniversary!

(Can you just say, "Aawww...")

 

 

Also on the "cute" end of things: Momma Eastern Phoebe started round #2.

Are these guys precious or what?

 

A Duck-Hunter's Wife

I live with a crew of whole-hearted duck hunters. About September, the atmosphere of our home intensifies a bit. And that increases as November nears.

 

I've lived with waders drying over my air vents; waders draped over my "good" dining room table while the glue that seals them dries; muddy boots strewn all around

the back porch; trying to plan get-togethers around hunting schedules; duck calls being perfected in the garage and all over the house, sometimes late at night (poor neighbors); and duck feathers showing up in the strangest of places after numerous carcasses give
up their breasts on the prep table outside.  It's hard to get the guys to dress in
anything that isn't Mossy Oak or Browning.  Duck Dynasty is a favorite, as are
Duck Commander t-shirts and all things cammo.

 

It's an honest interest.

 

I stay home and go shopping. Or just sleep. Or crochet. Duck hunting, I don't do.

 

But I love the people who do it. And I've grown to truly enjoy hearing all the duck news as weather patterns are studied all year long. I guess that's why the video below is so fun. My guys get so excited about this kind of stuff!

 

And it is interesting. Although, I'm a bit conflicted, honestly: I know the hen on this nest could be the duck meat on my table, come January. I try not to think about that.

 

Watch this momma duck, nesting on the North Dakota prairie, as she discovers the webcam mounted next to her nest!

 

On Growing Up

When he first came home, I carried him close; under my chin, where I could smell the warm and marvel that we'd been blessed with a boy after that girl.  He was beautiful, in the way dark-eyed, rosy-cheeked, dark-haired baby boys can be.  He slept a lot and cried little; smiled much and caused joy to bubble up and spill over.

 

He grew and continued to bless our home.  God-honoring son, near-perfect student, sweet servant and brother.  For the longest, he imaged so much more of the boy's shell he was leaving behind and not the man he was growing into.

Arms were soft; cheeks, too, and round.

 

The teen years came, and we've hit some rough patches.  Growing up is hard for a young man.  I think it's harder for mom and dad.  But grace abounds...

 

Stepped on the porch today, saw him across the property.

Yelled my hello, asked how he was.

 

"Ok.  Hey, can I get some water?"

 

He's splitting logs in near-100 degree heat.  Got his jeans on because you don't chop wood in shorts, and he's wringing wet.  He's got work to do, though.

 

I fill the thermos with ice and water, take it to him.  Have to cross the dry creek bed and quite a lot of brush.  I worry about ticks at first, but my thoughts quickly turn to copperheads.  As the mind does, my thoughts spin 100mph as I walk.  I close the gap between us, and I realize (not for the first time)...

 

I am feeling safer the closer I get to my son.

 

This is new for me.  I used to protect him!  I used to have 20 back-up plans rolling around in my thoughts for every dangerous scenario as we walked out our front door.

 

Now I see him across the way and feel completely confident that, should any danger come my way, this young man would competently handle it for me.  He could (he can, because he has!) pick me up, haul me out of the woods, and get me to the nearest

ER as well as any other man on the planet.

 

Not sure when this changeover happened.  It wasn't yesterday.

But it did happen when I blinked.

 

I hand him the thermos, and he expresses his weary thanks.  The cheeks that are dripping salty sweat haven't been soft in a long time.  And the arms and shoulders ~ they are incredibly strong and large, more than able for the work load he's got in front of him.

 

I have to tell him: "Hey..."

 

"Yes, ma'am?"

 

"I just want you to know how proud I am of you.  That you're working so hard.  Like this."  Because there's been so many more times when the statement has been about what's been wrong rather than what's been praise-worthy.

 

He nods his head, mumbles a thank-you.

 

"Well, gotta get it done.  There's work to do."

 

Yes, son.  There's work to do.  And you will get it done.  Because you have,

and you can.  And I am one of your biggest fans and supporters. 

Catching Up

So, lately ~ there's been quite a bit going on.

We turned 11...

 

 

We turned 19... (19? really?)

 

 

 

We hunted for eggs... tradition is everything.

 

Well of course the E-Man is gonna hunt ~

there's $$CASH$$ in those eggs!

 

 

A tux was worn for the first time,

and a momma looked at her first son in a new light.

 

 

 

So many new things.  So many changes.  So many opportunities to laugh

and enjoy and thank God for all the good times over the years.

 

Times like these make me wish my dad & grandparents were still here.